Tuesday, January 19, 2016

snow-walking to widows in paradise.

There are an odd mix of thoughts that lead me outdoors, but they muffle and drift with my first steps into white. How is it so bright this late?—Like all the city lights snatched into a hazy net hanging from tree tops.

I laugh to walk infinity footprints into the snow. Won’t last long, but it is forever for now.

Over the hill, across the golf course is the lake. Or it was. Seems everything is disguised in ice pearls tonight. The song plays—“I’d do anything for you”[1]—and I wonder, “Would I?” Careful not to step into water, wherever it went.

What if “anything” was digging underneath the whiteness? Not so pure once further down, not so soft. Hit ground, hit soul. And it is hard to admit faults.

Maybe I didn’t love as I should have. Where I couldn’t believe how often no one said thank you, perhaps kind-doing would not have expected it. Possible that I could say a lot of sorry’s and still not fully repair. I might have made it about me when they cried, “help.” Might have not done so well. Likely even, that I didn’t. Can I truth it, to better it? Can I do that “anything”?

I walk home backwards to see footprints fresh.
The song finishes—“I did everything for you”—and I remember, “He did.”

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